Having the latest handbag isn’t what makes me happy 

Ok so having nice things can sometimes help you feel happy but really in the long run does it ? 

When I got home from hospital in London this evening I sat and cried for a bit because after my dad left me I was on my own, left with my own thoughts. The consultant had told me again in short that there isn’t anything else they can try to relieve me from my chronic nerve pain so I just have to live with it. Sitting there surrounded by all this nice stuff that I have worked hard for I was just sitting thinking I don’t really want any of this stuff all I want is to be healthy and pain free, I’d much rather be pain free and not have all this stuff .

I feel very fortunate to be able to buy the things I need and having the money to make my house look colourful but at the end of the day all this stuff I have around me isn’t going to make me happy. 
Since my accident I have realised hugely the value of money. Before my accident all I wanted to do was work all the time to earn money , but why ? After my accident I had all this money in my bank that I had saved from before my accident when I was a lifeguard and a cleaner but to me it was meaningless now. Nothing was going to reverse my accident and especially money wasn’t going to help me in any way now. 

Now nearly seven years on I am just about able to work doing a job I really enjoy. I have enough money to pay the bills and that’s fine with me.  I don’t go out a huge amount so I’m not spending much money so any extra money usually goes on clothes or things for the house. But again what do the clothes I buy really matter ? Maybe it’s a quick fix for happiness and I guess some people in life do this with all sorts of things like cars and the latest technology. The clothes I buy aren’t desinger and my hand bag definetly isn’t Gucci. Wearing nice clothes can make you feel good , clothes help people express themselves but I would in a flash give up all my clothes in a trade for a pain free life. 

After crying for a bit I received a nice text from a friend. 

I just sat in my wheelchair and thought to myself -My family and friends are what I cling on to. They are what keeps me going when I get knocked back. Everytime I go to hospital my friends and family sends me messages. Such nice words every time . I don’t even know how they can keep up with all my apointments ! they always message me after to see what the hospital have said.

You really can’t put a price on having supportive, loving friends and family . So I text my dad and said “I’m blessed with friends and family”. Not everyone in life has that luxury of being able to text their dad or their best friend , because some people loose people along the way and when I’m in a lot of pain I guess I have to look at my life and be grateful for what I do have.

Being awake in sharp shooting pains for two ,three days in a row can take its toll and it does make me despair so it really can be difficult to see any positive in the life I live. 

At the end of the day though I am still alive and having these people around me is what keeps me going and keeps me smiling and happy. It definetly isn’t waiting for pay day so I can buy the latest Rolex watch or a 300 pound hand bag. I’m pretty happy with my little satchel to be honest! 

Thanks for reading – Rach 
For all my blogs – rachelholly90.wordpress.com

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