My mental illness that left me in a wheelchair and paralysed

Hey

Sooo I decided to make a blog , Im new to this and do not really know how it all works.. but here we go!

Ive decided to make a blog to raise awareness of mental health. I am going to share some of my experiences with Bi polar , Pain and my spinal injury, as if it can educate, help or interest even just one person then it will be a success! So I am planning on posting the struggles, funny situations that I find my self in and educating anyone that wants to hear about my journey to recovery. And talking about situations that others may relate to and feel comfort from me talking about. I hope by sharing my story it can open people’s eyes to how serious living with a mental health illness can be. 

So back in November 2009 I became ill with Bi polar effective disorder. I became so ill that I believed I could fly and jumped 50ft off a fourth floor balcony. Before this event I did not even know I had bi polar. I stayed conscious throughout my accident , although my memory is very hazey of the whole event. So I was laying 50ft below and people in the flats heard me screaming, ambulance was called . my mum was there in a shot , she had been a lifeguard in previous years so knew to hold my head straight and not to move me , so this could of saved the level of paralysis I now suffer. I was screaming “I dont want to die” and “I cant feel my legs”.

Got taken to an A and E department In London, where I laid in a bed for a few days on my back before a surgeon from another hospital picked me off the list and said I needed operating on straight away. (this whole time I had no idea what was going on as was so delusional with the bi polar and medication they had dosed me up with ).
I got transferred and had my first operation on my spine that night. I had crushed one of my vertebrae L3 so the surgeon had to build like a scaffold in my back using metal rods and part of my hip. Both operations involved huge risks but they were both successful ! I remember waking up from one of my operations singing “the moment I wake up ” – this was mostly the bi polar illness but probably the added effect of the medication, because I would never sing that the instance I wake up from a major operation if I wasnt ill !!
I cant explain how weird it is to be in the midst of a psychotic episode ,  everything seems great and you feel invinsible – hence why i thought I could fly! I will write another blog about the bi polar some other time .

So yes my accident Is not what a lot of people assume. I have heard it all! High on drugs , drunk, A Skiing accident , got pushed off a balcony , car accident, fell down stairs at train station , beat up by my boyfriend …So yes if anyone reads this that has heard otherwise , I didn’t intend to hurt myself atall ! I was not with it at the time at all I was very unwell  and none of it was my fault I was unlucky to get ill and have this accident but on the other hand I am very lucky to have survived. So many people with bi polar have had similar feelings of being invincible and have had awful accidents and have not survived , so I do know how lucky I am and how much worse off I could of been.

I landed on my right foot when i first fell and then onto my back , so my heel was broken too but this literally must of saved my life ! As it took most of the impact. I was later transferred to another hospital to have this fixed , and I was very very ill still with bi polar during this whole time. It’s  literally so embarrassing when I think back to things I Would say to people and things I would do laying on my back in the hospital bed ! Like singing really loud because I thought I could heal other patients with my singing. Majorally embarrassing when looking back.

For a few weeks I had to lay flat on my back , I was fed by nurses and drank through a straw , it took four people to roll me over when I had to have a wash, Im not even big but they had to make sure that my head was in line exactly with my body to not disturb the spine. After a while they increased the amount I could sit up , I can remember thinking one day when I went for a scan that they secretly wanted me to sit up when they went out the room (bi polar) so I attempted to sit up , it felt so weird to sit up , think I was lucky there with not injuring myself even more!

There is literally so much I could write about every day in the hospital and every thought I had when I was ill. But I will do it in different blogs as this blog post is getting rather long ! So yes I broke my back in a freak accident but I am still here to tell the tale , my life from the fatefull night of 17th November 2009 would never be the same again! I spent 5 months in hopsital, I was so used to the food I could order food without the menu and I knew all the nurses names , I met so many characters and had so many visits from family and friends. Doctors and physios told me I would never walk again. I had a long way to go and I have had the biggest journey , bigger than when i travelled round Europe i feel !

Hope I have not written to much that you couldnt be botherd to read it all but I am learning about this . Hope you come back to read more, there is so much more to say. I have so much to write about Bi polar, My recovery mentally and physically, Living with chronic pain and random things like going Clubbing in a wheelchair etc!

Thanks for reading

Rach

For all my blogs – rachelholly90.wordpress.com